Eilidh’s three girls
Can you tell us a little bit about your pregnancy and what led up to your birth?
My first pregnancy was, in hindsight, pretty easy. I found the first trimester the hardest because of nausea and not telling anyone, but after that it was pretty smooth sailing. My first baby presented small in utero so I had a number of growth scans in the lead up to birth but they were always reassuring. I was obsessed with looking for signs of labour in my first pregnancy, and I got absolutely nothing. It almost drove me crazy. I’m convinced if we hadn’t induced her she would have never come out!
My second pregnancy was also pretty straightforward. We had a couple of miscarriages in between my first pregnancy and my second, so I think there was a bit more anxiety there for my second pregnancy but once I had scans and could feel her moving I was more relaxed. Physically, another pretty easy pregnancy all things considered - although much more tired than my first! Same as with my first pregnancy, she presented small in utero so I had extra scans for assurance. Leading up to birth, my second baby dropped quite early in my third trimester so for the last few weeks I was pretty uncomfortable, and compared to my first where there were no labour signs I feel like with this baby I had them all.
My third pregnancy was probably the hardest physically but I think that is due to having two busy kids and working fulltime! I ended up finishing work at about 32 weeks due to exhaustion, which was a great decision because until that point I barely had time to breathe. The final eight weeks of my pregnancy were lovely, and especially as this was planned to be my last baby I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. Similarly to my second, she dropped with a few weeks still to go which made things a little more uncomfortable.
What kind of birth did you plan or hope for, and how did things unfold?
I didn’t have many hopes or plans for my first birth, other than I knew I wanted to have her in a hospital and I wanted to try without an epidural - but made it clear I did not want to be questioned if I asked for one! I flew past my due date without any signs of labour, and even after two stretch and sweeps in my 40th week, there was no movement. I was induced at 41+1 - the result of me having a breakdown to my midwife, as my dad was due for a stem cell transplant 2 weeks after my due date and I was worried he wouldn’t get to meet my baby. My midwives were angels and managed to get me booked in as soon as they could. I didn’t feel at all nervous about an induction, I was just relieved to know the baby was going to come. On the morning of my induction, I received the gel first and then went for a long walk around the hospital. I returned to my room about 4 hours later where I was monitored for a while, before they attempted to break my waters. I was barely 1cm dilated but through sheer willpower (and a high pain threshold!) they were able to break my waters. This kicked everything into gear, and within a couple of hours I was in established labour and from there it all went very, very quickly. Given it was an induction, it was assumed that things would take a while but as contractions ramped up I thought to myself “I cannot do this” and asked for an epidural. As the midwife was out of the room organising it, I felt the urge to push - and 30 minutes later my first baby was born. No time for that epidural!
As I had been induced with my first, I was convinced that would happen again and so that was what I planned for. However, the day after my due date I woke up at about 4am with very strong braxton hicks that, after a while, fell into a pretty clear rhythm. We were due to meet friends for brunch and I was determined to “ignore” these contractions for as long as possible so we went ahead, and I remember squeezing my partner’s leg under the table through every contraction! After brunch we very swiftly dropped off our 2 year old with my parents and then went home to see if things would progress. Unfortunately, labour started to stall around midday - but I wasn’t giving up that easily. So I did all the tricks in the book to try and keep things going, but eventually called my midwife to make a plan. Given how fast my first birth was, they didn’t want to take any chances so they asked me to come in for an exam. I was 4cm dilated when I arrived, and we made the call to break my waters - which was much easier the second time around! Once my waters were broken, things picked up quickly and my baby was born about an hour later.
Given my first two experiences, I had absolutely no plans for my third and was happy to go with the flow - although again, we knew it would be fast so we had to plan for that. Similar to my second, labour started and stalled, although this time it stalled overnight. The following morning after a really good night’s sleep (we shipped the older kids off for the night!), I woke up with contractions and immediately went for a long walk up Mt Vic. This seemed to be enough to keep things going so I continued to labour at home until, things stalled again. I called my midwife and she told me to come in, for the same reasons as we did for my second - we couldn’t take any chances! I arrived at hospital and I was 4cm dilated, so she broke my waters and, once again, this was the trigger point. I had a short and easy labour and my third daughter was born into my arms.
Elidh with her second daughter
Who was with you during your birth, and what role did they play?
For my first birth, my partner, my midwife, and the hospital midwifery team. As it was an induction there was a lot more monitoring and more people. Plus due to the speed of the delivery there were extra people in the room at the time of birth. I actually can’t recall though, I was so focused on what I was doing I barely noticed anyone else.
For my second, my partner and my midwives. I went with a midwifery practice so one midwife was with me for the early stages and then a different midwife for the delivery.
For my third, my partner and my midwife. I had just the one midwife with my third pregnancy, and she joked I delivered the baby myself.
How did you feel in the early stages of labour?
I feel like in my first labour, it was very hard to determine what stage I was in when and what was ‘artificial’ versus ‘real’.
In my second and third labours, early labour was pretty relaxed and I tried to do other things as much as possible to keep my mind occupied.
What helped you cope or feel calm during labour?
In all of my births I used gas and air as my pain relief, which worked well for me I think because it helped to control my breathing - as well as making me feel a bit zen! For my second and third births I moved around a lot, and that worked really well for focusing my attention and redirecting pain. I actually delivered my third baby standing up which I would highly recommend!
Was there a moment that stands out most vividly for you?
For my first, the moment that stands out for me most is the moment I felt I needed to push and I told my partner “I think I need to push”. Both he and my midwife didn’t believe me, as I hadn’t been in labour that long - but when my midwife looked and could see the baby’s head, it was all go from there. That stands out for me because the lead up to that moment had been so hard - and in hindsight, I was in transition, and had no idea! - and it felt like such a relief to finally be able to push.
With my second and third, I found arriving at the hospital was a really big moment. With my second I even started crying when I entered the delivery suite because I knew I’d be leaving with a baby and it was so overwhelming.
How did you feel when you finally met your baby?
With all three, the overwhelming feeling was relief. Relief that labour and delivery was over, and relief that the baby was here and healthy.
What surprised you most about your birth experience?
The intuitiveness of labour and birth surprised me the most - even with my second and third. I was surprised each time by how I sort of just knew what to do, and could trust my body to do what it needed.
How did your support team (midwife, partner, friends, whānau) impact your experience?
I was lucky to have wonderful midwives every single time - and of course a very supportive partner who knows how to support me best. Having trusted support people in the room was critical to the success of my births. I was also lucky to have family who gave us the space to birth our babies and didn’t crowd us during that time. I was adamant I didn’t want anyone else in the room and everyone was respectful of that, and waited until they were asked to visit.
Looking back now, how do you feel about your birth?
Looking back now, I realise that my first birth was more “traumatic” than I realised at the time. It was stressful and frenetic and more medical than I would have liked. But I only know that because my other births were so much more relaxed. At the time, I felt very positive about my first birth. But in general I feel very positive about my birth experiences and so lucky to have had three straightforward births with no complications - I know that isn’t true for so many people and I acknowledge how lucky that makes me.
Written by Eilidh
