Sonja’s Story

Can you tell us a little bit about your pregnancy and what led up to your birth?

My first pregnancy with Nico was pretty textbook. I was tired, hungrier than usual, and developed some very specific cravings, blue Mi Goreng noodles, salty-sweet popcorn, red grapes, oranges, ginger beer, and lemonade popsicles. It wasn’t particularly difficult… I just complained about it a lot (more than my baseline, which is saying something).

With Arley, the cravings were identical, but the fatigue hit differently. I suspect because I was chasing a baby around, Nico was only 10 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I carried quite a bit of guilt during that pregnancy about how present I could be for him. I needed a lot more sleep and rest, and we definitely noticed Nico leaning more toward Phillip during that time. I found that extremely hard. Now I know the pendulum of parent preference is always swinging, but back then it had always been firmly me and with my raging pregnancy hormones, it stung. 

What kind of birth did you plan or hope for, and how did things unfold?

When I was pregnant with Nico, I did ALL the research. I read Emily Oster’s Expecting Better, did hypnobirthing, saw the osteo regularly, I was very determined to have a drug-free birth.

Well. That went out the window.

Nico’s labour and birth were difficult, very intense very quickly and technically a "traumatic birth". He needed CPAP immediately, so he was taken to SCBU straight away. After what felt like half the hospital being in the delivery room, I suddenly found myself alone. Phillip had gone with Nico, which was absolutely the right call, but it was incredibly disorienting.

I remember calling my parents, who didn’t even know I’d been in labour, and telling them I’d delivered. I was high as a kite and wildly sleep deprived, I definitely left them concerned and confused.

When I finally saw Nico after some sleep, he was still on the CPAP machine. I carried a lot of guilt about missing that “golden hour” everyone talks about. Feeding was incredibly hard from the outset, and I assumed that was the reason he struggled.

(What the actual reality was, was that I was disproportionately engorged and he had a lip tie that wasn’t picked up until he was about one.)

After Nico’s birth, I worked with my acupuncturist, Debbie Karl, who is magic. She offered a birth story rewrite process, where I wrote everything exactly as I remembered it. We then sat together and she walked me through it from an Eastern medicine perspective, why things may have unfolded the way they did. It was deeply healing.

I saw Debbie throughout my second pregnancy, and before Arley’s birth Phillip and I did a session where she marked acupressure points on my back for him to use during labour.

At 40+2 with Arley, I had a stretch and sweep. My midwife casually said, “You’re already 1cm, I’d be surprised if nothing happens.” I got in the car and one of my favourite songs, Priestess, came on. I remember bursting into tears and giving myself this quiet pep talk: there was nothing left to control. I was about to become a mother of two.

That afternoon the contractions started, light but noticeable. I’d been doing pregnancy yoga and reformer throughout the pregnancy and was actually booked for yoga that night. By class time the contractions were definitely there… but I went anyway, thinking it might be my last chance to move my body like that for a while.

My friend Becca dropped me home afterwards, and I randomly asked to borrow her medicine ball (we’d somehow gotten rid of ours). Thank goodness I did.

By 11pm/midnight I was up bouncing on it while Phil worked the acupressure points Debbie had marked. That combo was gold, leaning into his thumbs while bouncing was incredibly effective.

Because of my first labour, when we finally called my midwife she didn’t think I was very far along, I sounded too calm. When she arrived and checked me, I was already 6cm. We headed to hospital shortly after… which was a very different vibe from Nico’s labour where I was begging for an epidural at 1cm.

Who was with you during your birth, and what role did they play?

For Nico it was Phil, our midwife Sam, another midwife who needed to help, a student midwife and then eventually obstetrics and paeds. 
With Arley it was Phil, our midwife Sam, and a student midwife pretty calm. 

Two very different rooms, two very different energies.

How did you feel in the early stages of labour?

Completely different each time.

With Nico, there was a deep fear of the unknown. I felt out of control and, in hindsight, I basically forgot to breathe.

With Arley, I was much more focused on staying calm and riding it out and for me, that made all the difference.

I'm not trying to say you can 'breathe through your birth' but I do think something to focus on, like your breath, is very grounding and helps a lot. There are plenty of other techniques out there, or interventions as you need. It's just finding the right combo for you and your body. Also, no one is a hero for going drug free - everyone is built so differently, and whatever you need to do to get your baby earthside is a success. Pain relief or not, whatever you do (or don’t), it’s your own experience and for no one else to decide what the right / “correct” way for it to be done is.

What helped you cope or feel calm during labour?

The medicine ball, clary sage, and the acupressure points were my holy trinity. And once I got to hospital with Arley, the hot shower on my back was incredible. With Nico, the epidural was so effective that I lay down the whole time and delivered old school, feet in stirrups. 

Was there a moment that stands out most vividly for you?

I couldn’t really feel Nico being delivered, but with Arley I felt everything, it was one of the strangest and most deeply satisfying physical sensations I’ve ever experienced, as well as feeling the placenta deliver too. 

How did you feel when you finally met your baby?

With Nico, it was complicated. The birth was hard, feeding was hard, and the rush of unconditional love wasn’t instant for me, it built over time. What I did feel immediately was this primal biological pull to get up and do whatever he needed.

With Arley, that recognition of love came much faster.

Looking back now, how do you feel about your birth?

Birth is such a personal, shape-shifting experience, different for every person and every baby.

I’m genuinely grateful I had both of the births I did. They shaped me. And importantly, they don’t predict the kind of baby you’ll get which I think is worth saying out loud.

Nico had the difficult birth but was objectively an easy baby. Arley’s birth was beautifully redeeming… and then he had colic and nearly broke me.

Regardless, those experiences, I wouldn't change them for anything, because my sons are the best parts of me that exist. They are everything to me, and I wouldn't change one single bit about them including how they arrived earthside. 

Written by Sonja